Rob

I'm not sure how it happened but I've become obsessed with Robert Pattinson, the vampire Edward Cullen from Twilight, New Moon, etc. I'm actually concerned right now since someone's Google search might turn up this posting and then a ton of teenagers are going to be disappointed when they look at this post and don't see some British guy with a sultry, vampire expression on his face pop up.

I'm blaming it on being pregnant and over-sensitive and tired of reading boring academic books about racism here, there, everywhere. I've been putting myself to sleep most nights reading about Edward and Bella working through their love affair while fighting off all the haters. But I'm trying to push past the insanity so here are ten reasons why I need to stop (hopefully this works):

10. Reading Capitalism and Slavery and other I Hate Whitey books got me fewer distasteful looks in the swanky coffee shops in Montclair than Eclipse. Twelve-year olds can be brutal.

9. There has to be a book on pregnancy or child-rearing that I haven't read yet. Well, there's the Jon & Kate series but they're pretty wack.

8. The books lead to a movie obsession that I definitely have to stop...after the last one comes out.

7. Most of those actors really aren't all that good. I really want to slap some feeling into Bella sometimes. I mean, it wouldn't be the same if Sean Penn managed to play Edward and Susan Sarandon as Bella but dang folks, a couple acting classes wouldn't hurt. Just something like, this is my hurt face and this is my sad face...something!

6. Brian might be getting annoyed with all my "well, Edward wouldn't do that" sidebars. Poor guy. He also once told me that people told him that he looked like Brad Pitt so I'm not mad about bringing him down a few notches even if it's with a fictional character.

5. There are too many white people in that book. I know it's the Pacific Northwest but dang, someone had to have moved from Portland up to Washington state at some point.

4. I'm actually angry with Jacob, the fictional shape-shifter. It's embarrassing and shameful.

3. It's not like I don't have anything to read or work on. And then there's my comic strip and the thought of going back to stand-up comedy. I have this great bit in mind about this pregnant, 30-something, Black women who reads Stephenie Meyer books everyday...oh...wait.

2. Whenever kids have persuaded me to get into what they are into, I have been sadly disappointed; this really shouldn't be an exception. Sorry Harry Potter and all those "Black interest" books at Barnes and Noble. It's great that the kids are reading but dang...

1. There is a bit too much religious judgment and hints of homophobia in the text that the filmmakers have wisely avoided thus far. I have to skip over any mention of saving her virtue and parental worries about her not having a boyfriend. Dos mucho.