The Bursar

Dear Tuition Man,

Well first, I'm not sure if you are male or not, I just assumed for some strange reason. Men and money. Hmmmm? Like if Donald Trump were to make a couple billion on the side, would he say, "I need to get into that college tuition MARKET." Somewhere, someone put a monetary value on "In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue" and someone else said, "I really need people to know about that Columbus guy for my high paying job as a cog-maker" and then that first someone said, "Oh well, you know we are the best at teaching people about that Columbus fella. Just look at all the people who went here and work at your company. Why don't you give us some money to keep teaching about that guy and other explorers/rapists" and the second guy said, "Great idea. And name that library after me while you're at it." And then the lowly graduate student gets a so-called highly prestigious fellowship that puts her just mere dollars above the poverty line and then the first someone said, "Well, you can have more. Just tell the undergrads about this Columbus fella. Work so much you can barely get your own work done without developing issues with your eyesight, blood pressure, and overall fat-ass-ness. And we'll give you more money to write an article or two about him and other murderers. And then you can go run that cog-making factory and tell everyone how you went here and how great we are." Or at least I think it went like that.

Signed,
Lowly Grad Student