The Election

It's no secret that I am voting for Obama: I get my daily e-mails and texts from the campaign. I even have an "Obama 08" application on my phone. But with less than a month before the election, I am really wondering why there are so many undecided voters. And why on earth, after these debates, would anyone say things like "neither candidate answered any question" when that's the McCain/Palin strategy, not Obama/Biden or "they didn't talk about healthcare" when they spent a smooth thirty minutes talking about that mess. So I decided (see, making decisions is good) to create a new list. Here goes:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY UNDECIDED VOTERS

10. The only way some of these rednecks know to answer those Yankees with their fancy polls and big city cameras and recording devices is to say "I don't know," reminiscent of when those high-falootin' lawyers who would come from the North looking for their civil rights workers in the 60s.

9. The hippies are still working on solar-powered televisions and haven't watched any of the debates, ads, since they don't use anything from the 21st century. Hell, the 20th century too.

8. Wall streeters are still trying to make their multi-million dollar conglomerate appear to be worth less than $250,000 while saying their employees are all robots who don't need health insurance.

7. The pollers are asking folks in the prisons, Guantanamo, or immigration holding cells, who can't vote anyway and have bigger things to worry about.

6. People are still distracted by the smoke and mirrors known as Sarah Palin, falling in love with the winking and dumbass routine, thinking it might be kinda neat to have a White House hockey team with Todd racing his snow machine down Pennsylvania Ave.

5. The Obamas might be too tall, slim and good-looking for the White House while McCain looks like he can barely get up each morning. Who will take a better picture for the peace talks?

4. Ohio and Florida voters still think we are deciding between Bush and some other guy. Can that guy be McCain? What luck!! Two Republicans!

3. Virginia, as a swing state, finally feels important, and wants to keep everyone on their toes to stretch out their 15 minutes of fame.

2. All the polls pass through the hands of Hillary Clinton and Joe Lieberman, who are both hoping the race will be perceived as so close, the candidates will ditch their running mates and pick one of them afterall.

1. They're racist and feel too guilty about saying "The White House needs to remain white" even though that is what they are most definitely thinking.