My Newsweek Cover

My parents are avid Newsweek readers. They ditched Time when OJ was on the cover looking too dark. I'm sure the operator who deals with Time subscriptions wasn't ready for my mom's call to stop sending Time magazine to the house. He probably quit after hearing "Time magazine is racist" over and over again from my mother in her Nicaraguan Coast accent.

So my parents got me on Newsweek. I enjoy the commentary, the comics and quotes of the week. Good stuff. But this week, I sure wasn't ready when I opened my mailbox to find a MAD close-up of Sarah Palin, so close you can see the brand of eyeglass frames (get those product placement dollars!). I stared at it for a minute and just said "damn" and shook my head. When I put the magazine down, I was sure to put it face-down, not to accidentally peep that cover again.

I'm not mad at her. We all have pore issues, a few facial hairs that we prefer the world not blog about, and a wrinkle or two (although black doesn't crack so that's an issue for someone else, not me). She has the foundation caked on but her lipliner is on point. A little dos mucho with the eyeliner for my taste, but whatever. But just as when Gwen Stefani busted out with those Harajuku girls who speak English but aren't allowed to in Stefani's presence, I thought, someone has to be saying something about this one.

And they are. Those Republicans are hot! But check it. They are mad because it is such an flattering picture of her and as Fox News said, none of the other candidates have had to deal with such an unflattering cover. Really? Don't get me started! No one else? Straight tripping. Unflattering? That's what she looks like. How can she claim to be a feminist, and then mad when folks see her before her highly painful, expensive, and unnecessary lip waxing?

Listen, I can't stand Sarah Palin. I really am thinking of moving out of the country should these fucks cheat again and McCain wins. But as wack as McCain is, Palin only makes it worse. What pisses me off most is when people on both sides of the table say how important she is for little girls, so they can say "I can be Vice President when I grow up." But people don't seem to realize that this "Barbie goes to the White House" image of women is, at the very least, detrimental for young ladies. Palin equals "I can be Vice President and I don't even have to worry about experience or education. I just need to make sure my eyebrows are done and I use my Thigh Master each day."

It's insulting. But the insult isn't just on her part. This country values seen but not heard women. Belle, Ariel, and Snow White. The South hated Hillary Clinton because she talked too much. Oprah talks too much...she's talked her ass right into hella courtrooms. She got sued because she SAID she wouldn't eat beef! If she said that in a tube top, more weave, and while winking, she probably wouldn't have been in the courtroom. Unfortunately, I can go on and on with the examples.

I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist, in the traditional sense: I like marriage, romance, and razors. But I like being smart and letting people know I'm smart. And I aspire to be a politician one day. But when my Newsweek cover comes out, you'll see my pores, zits, and possibly a gold tooth.

http://www.accesshollywood.com/content/images/76/230x306/76741_sarah-palin-on-the-cover-of-newsweek.jpg