Getting to Know You: The Mailman

I'm not much into snail mail but between my Newsweek, J.Crew catalog, and law school bulletins, I've been paying attention to my mail box more than usual as of late. So the other day, I realized that I didn't receive any mail for a while and there wasn't a holiday or a Sunday. Just a regular week. So I asked the mailman the next time I saw him:

"I guess I'm not getting much mail these days," I mentioned including a half-assed chuckle.

As he held up a mega stack of letters, cards, bills and catalogs, all for me, he said "I didn't deliver any mail yesterday. Took the day off."

"You can just do that? I mean, do they get a sub for you?"

"No, I just didn't deliver the mail. Didn't feel like it."

As I am one of the more polite players you may know, I decided to leave it alone, but the conversation that followed in my head, went like this:

"I don't feel like eating salad either, but I also don't like wearing sweats to the club! And you see how this mess is labeled "Time Sensitive"? That's because my paycheck is in that envelope. But, it's all good. I'll wait for you to feel like delivering the mail. And what about Cliff from Cheers? Can I get that dude to deliver my ish? I mean, dude really was serious about the mail. Don't you all take an oath about rain, sleet, and Oakland gangstas?"