UC Stinky People in the Trees (aka Berkeley)

First, don't get me wrong. I'm all about a cause and I appreciate folks who do what they have to do to get the job done. With that said, sometimes sitting in a tree for a year and half (no really, that long, no showers or toilets) isn't the right thing to do. When I hear about the tree-sitters, rarely do I think, "dang, we have to save the oaks!" Mostly, I think, if one of those stinky people throws a bag of piss at me...oh, believe, it's done!

So here are ten things you can do when you want to protest against the man but want to keep your sexy:
10. Be sure the homies are down. If they are your homies, they will say either "let me know when and I'm there" or "Naw, man. That's some bullshit."
9. Nothing says you mean it like having a (full-time) job. Having nothing to lose and being available to sit in a tree for a year and a half does nothing for your credibility.
8. Be sure that the means don't outweigh the cause. Last I checked, those trees weren't meant to have folks living in them, despite what the Shrek movies may lead us to believe. I bet if those trees could talk, they would say, "yo dog, I can't breath. Get the fuck off!"
7. Take the bone they throw you, especially if it's a big ass bone. If they promise to move the trees and you don't believe, sign up to help them move the trees.
6. Think of the larger picture. If the issue is native burial grounds, then you have a whole bunch of trees, schools, government offices, stores, and malls to sit in.
5. Be mad at the right thing: capitalism. That little bit of land spells cha-ching for the university through the athletics department. Go sit in the money office or the head football coach's office (the highest paid public employee in the state).
4. Think: will this hurt the black man or what would Obama do? Either question really gets to the meat of it--will your actions hurt regular folks in some way? Take away a scholarship from some needy kid? Cause someone to take a crazy detour just to get home or to class?
3. Think about the TV crews. Do you want to look hella busted on TV, even the local news? I mean, even the hippies don't want doo-doo on their pants when KRON is interviewing them.
2. Consider the audience. The folks going to watch Cal games most likely don't give a hoot what you are yelling at them unless it's "Go Stanford!" Save your voice for the suits.
1. Where's Al? Nothing says "important cause" like the Rev. Al Sharpton! Do what you have to do to make the cause Sharpton-relevant so that the good reverend will be out there with his megaphone. And then be really prepared with #3 and #4.